Dreams are overrated

They are.

Bucket List?

All these while I kept on babbling to people how unfortunate it is that;

  1. I don’t have any dreams
  2. I don’t know what I want to be
  3. I don’t know what I’m good at

On and on and on. Every time either of these topics come up I would say the same thing; I don’t know. In fact, I tried lots of different thing just to find out the answer. But I come to realize that this kind of thing change over time. Except for the part of what I’m good at though lol.

Even though I don’t have any dreams or I don’t know what I wanna be, I do know what I want to do.

  • I wanna be able to speak multiple languages. Especially the ones used in my home country. Can you imagine being able to converse in all 4 languages fluently? That’s gonna be years of hard work. See, a dream doesn’t have to be big like what we see in the movies. It could be anything and as long as you’re working on it, thumbs up for you. (But I should probably excel in my classical Arabic first right? Hehe)
  • I have always wanted to be able to play piano. Always. I learnt few songs on my own (read: learn which key to play from youtube). I’m gonna learn few more songs and if I’m still into it, I’m gonna take a proper class. It’s not too late.

On top of it all, I want all these things to be able to benefit people, not just me. It’s time to give back to the community, to the ummah, to the world.

And then these thoughts come into my head. It always does. These things I wanna do will not be able to generate any money or side income for me. How are these going to help me with my bank account. It probably will in the future or it probably won’t. I should be focusing on something that could at least earn me some money. Right?

Well, no. If you put money as your goal or compass in life, it won’t make you truly happy. It will give you a good life, luxurious even. But nope, I’ve read lots of books and watched lots of movies; money is not everything.

Love, family, and most of all, Allah’s blessing are what really count at the end of the day.

So I’ve decided not to think more of it and to just wing it. I’ll figure out later how it will help the world when I finally can do all that I wanna do and be all that I wanna be.

Is this kind of a bucket list? Cos yerp, I don’t have one. LOL

In it to win it?

When I was in university, I joined this soft-skill course during semester break. It was a week kind of course and I had to travel all the way from home to my uni which approximately distance at almost 30km. I guess I wanted it to be in my resume, thinking that it would be useful when I’m ‘out there’, you know.

One of the module is to be separated into groups and have a debate. You’re supposed to learn negotiating skill through out the module. But I remember that all of us ended up arguing and actually debating to win. There were no negotiating. Each of us wanted to win so bad, to prove ourselves. It was getting dark and it only got more tense than before. I remember clearly that I haven’t cared to win in conversation for so long until that time. Everybody started to glance at their watches but I was still strong at it. And our team won. I won.

The triumph didn’t last for long though. Few minutes after, I felt like a jerk. I hassled my way just to win and for what? To prove myself? To impress other people? I felt bad at the end of the day. So bad that I still remember it until this very day. I refuse to repeat that act. I refuse to be like that in any way.

So I really don’t understand why some people NEED to win in every conversation. I really don’t. It’s as if something of their possession is at stake and instead of having a conversation like a normal human being, it’s a competition of who’s the best at everything, not realizing that there’s only one participant.

The right way

For somebody who is not yet married, naturally, this would be my concern when it comes to this matter; meeting the right person the right way.

I am not gonna dwell on my fate of ‘still single’ at this age. I have long accepted the fate and honestly, I kinda see the reasoning behind it.

Nevertheless, when the time comes, like other thriving muslimah, I wanna do it the right way through and through. Generally, we all know that dating is forbidden in Islam. Shall one fall in love or taken a liking towards the opposite gender, one should contact the mahram of that person for further action or details. I read a good tip about ways to communicate with the person directly in an honorable way; communicate as if your parents are there. Text him as if your parents will receive the message too. Better yet, CC them. 😂

I just wish somebody would make a movie out of it or a book about the whole procedure like to the minor tiny details. I bet there’s a lotttt of drama within. I’ve watched one Indonesian movie that have bits of this but very brief. It’s almost like love at a first sight even. I don’t know. I think instead of forced marriage or contract marriage that all Malay dramas these days are about, why not a drama about a proper marriage from A to Z. At least, it will educate the society of how it’s supposed to be in Islam. It will still gain lots of view cos it’s a love story. I say it’s a win-win.

Again, rambling.

Thinking out loud

Always, I feel very incline towards the idea of writing…a novel. It would come in a swish and went few moments after. Naturally, as somebody who loves to read, I wish I could write like all my favorite authors.

I’ve started few times before but never got to finish even one paragraph. But it’s a shame to not even try to complete it.

Mostly, cos I don’t have any idea what to write about. I could write about my life but I’m not sure any phase of it could become a good plot twist. A good book need a good plot twist.

But then, I was reminded how I always have this crazy idea/solution to some things that I see as trouble. For instant, how far better would it be for the world if animals could talk, converse with human beings. If all living things in this world could converse in one language, that would solve a lot of problem. Not all, but a lot.

Then again, I might go too far with writing a novel. Probably a short story first. But with all my resolution to be accomplished this year, I’m not sure if I have the time.

Oh well, it’s just a thought.

Bye Bibiri

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Today our cat died. His name is Bibiri and we call him Biri. He was such a good cat. I’m still unsure the cause of his death. Could be his blister but the doctor said cos he didn’t eat. Actually, the plain main reason is; we didn’t take good care of him.

Actually, our cats got sick a lot. Sometimes, it’s the normal fever. Sometimes, it’s something more serious like broken limbs or something. Having more than 10 cats, those minor sickness got ignored. We counted on them to get better by themselves like maybe their antibody is enough, something like that. Animals do that sometimes right.

So, he looked very weak last few days. We thought it’s normal fever cos 2 weeks ago he was drenched in the heavy rain. But that was 2 weeks ago. And then he had this blister at his tummy which we did not know could become serious. He stopped eating 3 or 4 days ago. Couldn’t move and all. He’s gotten sick like that before this so it’s nothing new.

We let him be and Noni brought him to the Vet yesterday. She said the doctor scolded her for not feeding Biri. We did but Biri didn’t wanna eat. We even bought the soft food for him. The doctor said that his skin has gotten yellow. Not sure what that meant but he received a medicine for Jaundis.

Long story short, he died today. Probably this morning around 11 am and nobody was around. Somebody only noticed him too little too late cos his body got hard and cold already.

Many times I argued with my mother that we’re abusing our cats when we keep them caged but she’s worried that they might got hit by a car which is why we never let them go at night. Little did we know that Biri gonna died in our care. 

He was such a good cat. The most manja even after he grows up. I always say how lucky we are to have a cat like Biri. I guess he’s not that lucky to be owned by us.

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Bye Biri. I will always love you.

Initiative

Wow it worked! I can’t believe I bought a keyboard for my phone lol. I get irritated easily when I blog using my phone just cause there will be lots of error.

Well, I didn’t really bought it. It’s a birthday present from my colleagues. Best thing about it is I got to choose the present myself lol. A bit funny but very effective. At least you won’t get random gift that you don’t even know what to use it for.

I guess I’ll be droping by here a lot more than usual. Teehee.

It’s a pity that I didn’t get to finish writing about my New Zealand trip. Mostly because it’s tedious to resize the picture. Oh well.

And another good thing is; I  can write my book review using this keyboard! So another yay for this!

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2017 Resolution!

Hope it’s not too late to make a new year resolution. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and was kinda inspired when Dayana listed her 2016 resolution and actually ticked em all off. I wanna be able to do that too! So, this time it won’t be “just because”. I will actually plan and work towards it this year inshaallah. 💪

1) Drop the BMI. I hate saying lose weight cos it’s just doesn’t work anymore. So let’s focus on dropping the BMI to one level down.
2) Read 50 books. I have set this in Goodreads on new year’s eve so no turning back.
3) Take at least 1 islamic class. Have been meaning to register myself to Qalam Institute’s Meaningful Prayer. Really hope I can join this year. Otherwise, TMEAG it is.
4) Pay off study loan. This will require a rigid planning I suppose.
5) Translate at least quarter of Qasas un nabiyeen (384 pages!). So that’s 96 pages! Gasp!
6) Sit for CISA after you finish with (4).
7) Memorize 1 surah. Omg anne just 1! Takkan that also cannottt.

I really wanna strike em all by end of this year. Better yet, before my birthday. Ya Allah make it easy for me.

Petom NZ Trip – Day 2

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Day 2 was a bit of a ride as a start. Pagi2 terus kena rushing pergi airport for domestic flight to Christchurch to catch a zoo schedule; Orana Wildlife Park. Ye la harus la kiasu nak jadi orang pertama masuk gate kan takut kalau2 lambat nanti makin sesak. Nak kejar feeding time dia lagi kan. Gigih ni. Sekali sampai tak ada orang 😂😂😂. Ada la dalam less than 15 cars in the parking lot. Bila masuk jalan2, ternyata, jenis orang yang pergi zoo ni pun semua jenis bawa budak. Maka masing2 beralasankan nak bawa Aqeel tengok zoo padahal budak tu tidur je haha.

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Nampak je macam some kind of lake tapi ini sebenarnya salah satu kandang/sangkar haiwan ye. Seladang ke rhyno ntah.

Oh didn’t I tell you that we have a baby with us in this trip? Yerp 4 and a half human all the way. Yani had Aqeel last year. He’s 11 months old and no mother would leave her baby that young at home so heret la sekali.

The most fun part is we got to feed the giraffe! I have never been that close with a giraffe! It was really exciting for me. There was a petting farm so we got to feed the sheep too. The alpaca and kiwi bird were present too so we got to crossed all the animal checklist in New Zealand lol.

Lepas lunch maka tiba lah acara yang dinanti2kan; groceries shopping! The chefs couldn’t wait to get their hands on the halal chicken while I couldn’t wait to buy all the potato chips and biscuits lol. There’s only one halal poultry provider in supermarket; the brand is Brinks and can only be purchased at Pak n Save. No Countdown or Warehouse will get you any of those halal wings. And if you ain’t that lucky, even Pak n Save don’t have halal meat. We concluded that it depends on the area you’re in.

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Then we drove to our very first and most anticipated lake and motel, Lake Tekapo. On the way, we should cross our path with a beautiful Canola field at Fairlie, very much Instagram-able background picture. But I was driving that time so nobody knows this, but I don’t take sudden instructions while driving and I tend to dislike stops from point A to point B. We kinda detected a yellow-ish field but I didn’t have sufficient time to take the turn cos I was going quite fast so we just drove passed it. Quite a pity but nobody insisted on turning back so I just kept driving.

We reached Lake Tekapo quite late. It was almost dark but we can still see the lake. Our room was amazing. Our front door view is the lake itself. Everyone totally forgot about the star gazing thingy and just went straight to bed after dinner lol. Dinner was so good and we all were just so tired.

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Petom NZ Trip – Day 1

Sementara mood masih ada, marilah post about the recent trip. Kadang-kadang makin jadi malas sebab kena select gambar. Gambar yang wajar upload satu je tapi shot ade beribu. Agak jenuh di situ.

First day was all about the travel. The horrible long hours flight. Alhamdulillah with Allah’s mercy through the power of medicine, I didn’t throw up this time, going to and coming back from. I had few tricks up my sleeve though.

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Punya la dah berapa kali naik flight baru hari tu terfikir ways to combat my terrible motion sickness. I shall prepare a kit for a flight; mask, hoodie, pills, and comfy pillow.

Reached Auckland after several hours and we went straight for the hotel shuttle. The only problem is we have no way to call them. We rented a pocket wifi thus no calling available. I almost wanted to buy 1 sim card but thought better. Apparently, if you go to any i-Site (it’s like an information counter for tourist or to help tourist), they can call the hotel for you FOC. Nasib baik ok. We emailed the hotel earlier but to no avail so bukan la tak prepare ke hape. Waited 2 hours for the shuttle baru sampai sobs sabar je la. Ada rasa macam nak rate 1 bintang la untuk this hotel kann.

Ok tu je first day lol. So here’s the itinerary for those who asked: Petom NZ Trip Itinerary (better viewed in phone with Google Sheets)