New job, new class

Why do I always get inspired to write when I’m driving? Every time. Every single time. Not only that I got all different topics to write about but I also sense that feeling to write. It’s like idea come pouring out from my brain when I drive. But when I’m home, with the laptop in front of me, I got nothing. Not even a will to turn on the laptop LOL.

My new job is…I don’t know. I don’t want to whine or complain just yet. It’s been what? One month plus only? I can’t lie to myself and say that everything is fine. It’s a bit overwhelming for me if you must know. I can only hope that it gets better day by day and before I know it, it’s like a walk in a park, inshaallah. I have to stop complaining about my job every chance I got though. It’s so not healthy but sometimes a girl just need to vent to let it go. Ya Allah, please make it easy for me.

Alhamdulillah Access 2 has started 2 weeks ago. It was a bit hectic for me these past few weeks with adjusting to the new job and whatnot and adding Access 2 to my schedule only limits my time to rest but I kid you not when I say Access 2 is my savior! I look forward to the class every time it finishes and I really enjoy those 2 hours at night. I only have Allah to be grateful for for this rizq. May Allah keep my head and my heart straight for this journey.

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QI Follow Up 2015

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It’s on! I didn’t tell this earlier partly cos I didn’t want to jinx it but mostly, I got lazy to write. I’m in Qur’an Intensive Follow Up 2015!

Alhamdulillah I’m so grateful for this opportunity. It’s like Allah has given me another chance to not screw up and continue the journey that I’ve started last August. I hope I will make the most out of this course inshaallah. Even though it’s online, I have high hopes in it. Cos end the follow up course, there’s Access 2! Somebody please sponsor my education!

I really like it though. The concept of studying at the comfort of your own home. I used to rebel in high school cos of all the petty rules like I come to school to learn, why do I need to wear triple layers of kain!? But with online class, I can wear all my pajamas, wrap my hair in a towel, put on the cushy home slippers, sit however I want, and also munch to my content. Mwahahahah. It feels so wrong and right at the same time loll.

Alhamdulillah, nevertheless.

Post QI 2015

If there’s one thing that I hate the most in any exciting events of my life is its withdrawal syndrome. But over time, I’ve learnt that those withdrawal syndromes make me appreciate the experiences even more. I can’t begin to describe how much I miss being in QI class. The fact is I miss everything about QI down to the exhaustion (cos I go to work after class). I didn’t have much time to do anything else.

Now, it has been a week after QI and to be honest, it’s pretty hard to keep the momentum going. I understand now why Ustadh Nouman has repeatedly given us the talk about motivation. If I remember correctly, he told us all about it three times; the first day of the course, mid of the course, and the last day of the course. We really have to set our mind straight. Our intention must be right. It might sway once in a while and that’s why it’s good to clear your intention after some times.

The main reason for all of these, all of these that we do is so we can connect to the Qur’an for Allah swt. So when we recite the ayat of Qur’an in our prayer, not only we can reflect but we can actually understand what we’re saying to Allah swt, and finally really mean it. That’s the big fat reason why we’re starting this journey. I find it funny when Ustadh Adam Jamal said the other day; “When you join this course, it doesn’t just end here, you actually sign up for lifetime. I’m sorry if nobody told you.” Lol that was funny. It’s like the more you learn, the more you realize things you don’t know.

So if you have the right intention, inshaallah you will have the right motivation, and inshaallah, everything else will follow through. You will soon realize that this journey will never end and that’s okay. This journey isn’t about its destination, it’s about the journey itself. The Qur’an and all the knowledge inside it are like the ocean. It’s vast and deep.

He also said that the strategy in learning Qur’an is repetition and we can only gain the experience of Qur’an when we stand in our prayer and recite the Qur’an. And when we get the right experience from our prayer instead of remembering things that slipped our mind, the quality of prayer will transform everything in between prayers. One thing Ustadh Nouman said that gave me shivers and stuff is that prayer, Salah is like a preparation for us to stand before Allah during the judgement day. 0__0 Although I think no amount of prayer would prepare me so. T__T

Good thing is he actually guide us on what to do next. I actually have this question in my head few days after I registered the course so I’m soooo glad he listed them out; You can focus on either 1) Arabic; or 2) Qur’an. There are 3 ways to do so:

  1. On your own, you can mix between those two. Say like 3 days of arabic or 2 days of Qur’an studies. You need to commit at least 15 minutes per day to continue studying. Remember: You will necessarily forget everything you’ve learned in QI in just one month if you don’t do anything. One month of hanging around taking a break is all it takes to undo all the progress you’ve made from chanting those tables.
  2. If you chose Arabic over Qur’an studies, it would be less enjoyable but it would take you lesser time to focus on solely Qur’an studies later on. What you can do is;
    1. Get on with “Arabic with Husna”*, all of it. All 10 units of it. And when you’re done, you can proceed with “Arabic with Waliya”* though it’s technically the same thing but with improvement.
    2. Access course. You can check it all about it here.
    3. And then you may wanna start with Surah Al-Baqarah tafseer.
    4. You can further your study in arabic if you like to.
  3. If you opt for Qur’an studies instead, cool, but your understanding won’t get as deeper. What you can do is;
    1. Listen to these course twice each, casually;
      1. Quran for Young Adult*
      2. Divine Speech*
    2. Listen to them while taking notes.
    3. After the third time, share it with your family and friends cos after you listen to it too many times, the knowledge is in your head already.
    4. Once a year, finish “Qur’an : Cover to Cover”*. It’s 300 hours of recording. So, yea do the math.
    5. Take some notes on things that stick out from the ayah; you can print the Qur’an and space one ayah from another to do so.
    6. Do in-depth Qur’an studies, you can start with surah that Ustadh Nouman has covered.

Sounds like a lot of work righttttttt? Either of these ways is not a one month thingy. It can be lifetime and you still won’t be able to finish it. And it’s okay. Like Ustadh Nouman said; don’t worry about finishing the Qur’an. The goal is to embark on the journey and Allah will evaluate the commitment and struggle in the journey. Also, Qur’an is about balance in between life and Qur’an but still have the continuous, growing, and regular relationship with Qur’an.

And then Ustadh Nouman started on about the “Requirements of benefiting the Qur’an”. There are 2 categories; 1) Academic; which is the arabic, seerah, and stuff. 2) Psychological; meaning the attitude that we’re supposed to have when studying the Qur’an. We shall never lose a sight that we’re studying the Qur’an for guidance as a slave. When we say we seek guidance, turn to Qur’an not for action but for guidance. One tip he gave in studying the Qur’an is; Whenever you study an ayat, make it as a du’a.

Andddddddd his speech was interrupted by the students’ surprise. We never get to know the remaining of the advice. He promised to do another recording to finish it but I doubt it. Let’s just hope he does anyway.

I’m sorry future self for the long post. I kinda need to do this pep talk to remind myself, to straighten out myself. I hope I could this. You know what I need? A plan. A solid 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years plan on this. A plan would put my heart to ease and get it going on. Will probably share it here so future self could check back and laugh at myself lol.

May Allah keep us steadfast in this journey for His sake. May Allah keep our heart in His Deen. May Allah forgive us all.

 

*Recordings are in Bayyinah TV which require paid registration. However, you can opt to register as a sponsored student which entitle you free subscription for a year. Ustadh Nouman said he doesn’t mind. 🙂

QI 2015: Sisterhood

My last post wasn’t really a goodbye post for me. Partly because they still have the Surah An-Nur tafseer talk going on so it’s kinda feel like you never left the masjid lol. But now, sitting at home in the morning, it really feels like it’s over. 😦 But this isn’t a goodbye post either because I still have lots of things to share to my future self that will eventually forget all this stuff lmao I know I will.

I used to be good at making friends, like with anybody at all but after that one phase, it turned me into somebody who’s not only bad at making friends, but also have this aura that repels people away from me. It sucks but the good thing about it is I don’t mind. Some people say it’s the default depressed face of mine but I can only do so much smiling in a day.

Ustadh Nouman said the other day; what we’re going to get from this course is not just the knowledge but it’s the bond of sisterhood. I chuckled to myself and said well, that’s not for me. And then I met Azrina. And then I met Sarah and Atiqah. But the first day I got to sit in the front row really proved me wrong. I met Anisa and Salmi. 🙂

IMG-20150827-WA0009Pretending discussing something funny XD

The other Sunday, I and Anisa stayed back until after Asr. We planned to finish as much as we can on Surah Yaseen workbook but we ended up chit chatting anyway LOL. Despite the age gap of 6 years, we have sooo many things in common. There is stuff that I couldn’t really share with anybody else because I just know they won’t get it but I’m so glad I could share it with her.

They really make me feel that sisterhood bond in Islam that people keep saying on and on, exist and alhamdulillah thank you Allah for bringing me to them. I am so inspired by both of them. There are so many things you can achieve in this life.

Well, yesterday was really the last day of it all. I usually like to be among the last people to go back. Not sure why but I always do that in goodbye sessions but I couldn’t yesterday. I know if I stayed for another minute, I would cry so hard and people would wonder if the girl crying really join the QI course cos I didn’t really socialize much lol.

Alhamdulillah for the experience, for everything. Alhamdulillah.

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QI 2015: Thank you Ustadh Nouman

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It has ended. The Quran Intensive class of 2015 has officially ended. I have a very mixed feelings about this. I thought I would bawl my eyes out and be all emotional but I didn’t really. Emotional, yes definitely but I didn’t really shed niagra falls tears. Ok to be fair, it’s probably because I will still meet everybody on Saturday and Sunday but still, the class has ended.

I am not sure if this supposed to be a secret or something but I think if it is, Ustadh wouldn’t share it with all 500+ people and have it recorded just now lol. He basically shared his vision and his plan for Malaysia and subhanallah, it is so inspiring.

But before I do, hear this out first. In the first few days of class, in one of his tangent, he shared something about Malaysia. This is obviously not his first time in Malaysia but it’s the first time he stays for so long in Malaysia. In fact, the longest stay in any other country besides home. So, he get to do more stuff than just giving talks etc. He went to Terengganu for holidays I guess. Probably Langkawi cos he kept mentioning Langkawi and also Sabah cos he posted about it lol. He said Malaysia is a very very blessed country and we don’t even realize it. We take it for granted.

When he was staying in a hotel at Terengganu, he opened a drawer and there’s a Quran. He was so amazed cos if it’s in America, he would find a bible instead. And then there was this one time he was invited to give a talk at some local university organized by a group of student, most proabably a MSA club of the university and he thought it will be just few people around because in the United States, whenever he got invited to such talk, it would be just in a room of few people, they would move the ping pong table aside and have a halaqah there. But here in Malaysia when he arrived at the event, there’s like hundreds and hundreds of people, he was really shocked. The university got its own Masjid and the only place where a muslim university student get to pray in the States is in an empty classroom. They fought years and years with the university to have a dedicated room for prayers and even then, they would get like a room that could fit 3 people or less. Sometimes, the muslim student got like an empty contenna to be used as a prayer room. In Malaysia, masjid and surau is everywhere, literally in every few kilometres.

We are so blessed with all these but we don’t even see them as a blessing. Malaysian have been living in a peaceful multiracial society for decades and it’s a great opportunity for the ummah in such cultures to show how beautiful Islam is to the non-muslims. There are so many Christians and Buddhist in Malaysia that we can show a good example to. There’s a lot of opportunity in Malaysia.

When I listened to all these, I couldn’t help but crying. At that time, I really bawled my eyes out. It is so sad and tragic to hear the potential Malaysia has as a muslim country and we’re no where near all the things he said. In fact, we’re even at the opposite side of all those.

Fast forward to today, when Ustadh Nouman shared his plans with all of us, subhanallah. He wants to create a Dream Program in Malaysia but it’s probably for 5 and half months only instead of 9 months. Bayyinah Team has been working on it for the past few months they’re in Malaysia. He also wants to have some sort of Qur’an Seminar which is a 2-year program that primarily focus on Quranic studies. I am beyond excited listening to all these like Ya Allah please make it really happen. But why Malaysia right? He could do all that in the States where Bayyinah was founded. There are still more than a handful of muslims there but when big islamic initiative like that happens in the States, they would receive the limelight by the non-muslim and it’s only natural that they would eventually do something to stop it. While in Malaysia, we have all these blessings; infrastructure, peace, freedom, opportunities, and most of all, diversity.

I’m pretty sure I sat there in front of him with my mouth opened and my eyes popped out the whole time like an idiot. I am so inspired by the whole thing, how he got all those hopes for the Ummah especially in Malaysia. I think that’s why, instead of crying because it’s the last day of QI class, I got all inspired because this, ladies and gentleman, is just a beginning in Malaysia. Greater things will come to Malaysia soon.

It’s really such a blessing to be part of QI 2015, alhamdulillah. Really, I couldn’t thank Ustadh enough for all that he has given us in and outside of this course, THANK YOU USTADH NOUMAN.

QI 2015: The end is near, really near

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The dreaded day is almost here. Tomorrow is officially the last day of Quran Intensive class with Ustadh Nouman. T___________T We have finished the syllabus so Saturday and Sunday would totally be lectures on Surah An-Nur. I’m not sure if both days are open for public but I’m grateful either way although it would be better if we could finish the Surah Yaseen workbook. Oh well either way is fine.

I haven’t finished Surah Yaseen workbook yet but I did finish most of the ayah. There’s like around 10+ ayah left and I really don’t think Ustadh could finish discussing them all tomorrow. I guess I beat the odds alhamdulillah but I will still try to finish em tomorrow in the morning inshaallah.

Oh and alhamdulillah I did it with sitting in the front row for the remaining days of the course. Hopefully, on the last day too inshaallah. This has resulted me in a super lack of sleep. It’s been quite some time since I sleep for only 5 hours back to back. I really like my sleep. I think I will sleep really early tomorrow night like right after Isha’ then zzzzzz.

They haven’t announced the follow-up course though and I’m actually feeling so anxious about it. I have this feeling that I don’t know. Please make lots of du’a for me so I can pursue my arabic learning with the curriculum. I really wanna be good at this and I really want to keep what I learnt intact with me forever. Ok now I’m nervous for what’s coming after the course ends. Urgh I’m just gonna sleep it off.

QI 2015: 8 days left T.T

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Nooooooooooooooooooo I’m gonna be so sad when it ends I don’t even wanna think about it :((((((

Alhamdulillah now we have reached Day 19. We have finished all the arabic Nahwu (grammar) and moved on to Sarf. Sarf is the last part and Ustadh Nouman said it’s not part of Nahwu so I guess we have finished learning arabic grammar. How crazy is that?? I still can’t believe it. At the same time, we’re doing the ‘irab on Surah Yaseen. It’s oh my God so intimidating but I’m gonna do it through and through. I can do this!! I get inner shivers whenever I’m doing the ‘irab of Surah Yaseen by myself. I wish Ustadh Nouman would explain them in class in details but I guess time is limited so we have to do it by ourselves and ask the teacher assistant if it’s right or wrong.

Has it really been 3 weeks!? First day felt like it was just a week ago. Yesterday was the first time I get to sit in the front row, alhamdulillah. The experience was different of course. It sorta felt like I was in a private class with Ustadh Nouman and just a few people instead of hundreds. I had to make a move from my house right after Subuh to reach the masjid around 645am. Only then, I get to be in the first row. This weekend would be a bit of a competition I guess. Salmi said she’s going to go before Subuh and I’m thinking of joining her inshaallah. These last 8 days are the days that I should go all out. All out. Ask more questions. Do more work. Ask more questions again. All out inshaallah! I’m glad I didn’t during the first few days or I would have felt tired by the third day lol.

It’s kinda cool though to be the last batch of student of Ustadh Nouman. He said this is the last time he’s going to teach cos 1) He’s been doing this for years; and 2) He wanna focus all his attention on learning the Quran. I thought he has finished studying the whole Quran but woww this is so inspiring. There is still hope people. It’s also awesome though to listen to his lecture on daily basis though I can do that through his online lectures lmao but you know what I mean, it’s different. It’s just so awesome.

What really amazing is Ustadh Nouman said something about folllow up course which he expects us to join and I really hope Ustadh Nouman will be the one handling the course or oh well it’s ok if it’s anybody else as long as there’s such thing as follow up course heh heh. I better save money and leave-days for this.

I’m just so so so grateful for this. I feel so blessed by this opportunity. Alhamdulillah. Thank You Ya Allah for granting me this. All of this. I believe all the things that happened in the past lead me to this day and I believe all the things that’s happening today lead me to somewhere greater. After all, Allah is the best planner of all and Allah has better plans for me. Inshaallah.

Wish me luck!

I didn’t really tell anyone this except for certain people but I think I want to document it here. Instagram and Facebook have just too many unnecessary viewer.

So I joined this Qur’an Intensive class conducted by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan. It probably isn’t that big of a deal for anyone but it is to me. It is a very BIG deal. There was a whole drama before I got to join in. When I first saw the advert, I said to myself that I must definitely go or die trying. I was in a phase of understanding the Qur’an from English translation and then I kinda don’t know what to do next; whether to read it again or read the Malay translation or read other version of translation or learn arabic or I don’t know it was very confusing. And then I saw the advert mashaallah it really felt like a calling.

But it’s a one month course and it’s almost impossible for me to join unlessssss if I take unpaid leave. People can do that right? I mean people take unpaid leave all the time. Out of nowhere, I have this feeling that I need to ask my parents first and they rejected the idea outright. They gave me all the right reason to not do so but of course at that time I didn’t really get it. I thought that “you know what? actually you guys don’t get it”. I mean this is like once in a lifetime opportunity. I felt very lonely at that time. I kept on trying to get a tad bit of support from people around me and to find at least one person who thinks this whole idea make total sense. I did alhamdulillah. But then I realized that if I don’t fight for this right now, I’m going to mope around the whole month of August and blame myself for not trying harder. More drama here and there, finally, alhamdulillah I got to join this course. Really, I’ve never wanted anything else more than I want this and the emotional journey that I have to go through to get it subhanallah, really, I am really really beyond blessed for this alhamdulillah. I can’t even.

So, I’m gonna be busier than ever this month of August and all for the right reason, inshaallah. Please make du’a for me. It’s been awhile since I study anything and I would be lying if I said this course isn’t intimidating at all.

Ya Allah, please please please make it easier for me. May Allah keep me steadfast in His Deen. May Allah forgive us all.

Global Islamic Conference: Embracing Rasulullah saw

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I had the greatest and most fulfilling weekend ever. I get it now why these kind of conference kept being held and why people keep coming. So I went to the Global Islamic Conference: Embracing Rasulullah saw last weekend, for 1 and half days cos I didn’t get to go to the first half of the second day (will get to that later).

Growing up, my mother always sent us, me and my big sister to islamic program. Whenever there’s school holiday, we would be signed up right away. I used to hate it so muchhhhh cos I wanted to spend time at home relaxing. And you know la, teenagers program would have their rigid tentative. It’s like living in boarding school. I hated it but usually towards the end, I would hate to go back home cos I would miss all the sisters who have been with me day and night for those few days dearly.

When the conference ended yesterday, that’s exactly how I felt. I would miss this. Although I didn’t know anybody there, not a single soul. I went alone and didn’t really mingle around except a few exchange of salam and smile. But I would miss this. I had no idea why but I guess it’s sad to know that you will part ways with people who have that same intention. I guess it’s true when Ustadh said, there’s just something in ‘La ilaha illallah’ that bind us together and going to these event with all your muslim brothers and sisters boost your iman more even if you don’t know each other.

The content Subhanallah was amazing. The theme of the conference itself was amazing, let alone the content. I thought I would learn a lot about Rasulullah saw from this conference and be done deal with it. Alhamdulillah I did. I learnt more things about Rasulullah saw but I also know the fact that there are still many many more things about Rasulullah saw that I need to know about. *freaking out*

Oh there’s this scene when right after Mufti Menk finished with his talk, few people started walking out of the hall and the emcee asked them to stay because there’s this one brother from Japan came all the way to Malaysia for this talk. He has learnt about Islam for quite sometime but did not have that conviction to proceed just yet. But after day 1 of the conference, alhamdulillah he decided to take shahada right there and then with the guidance of Mufti Menk. His friend of 10 years guided him to take shahada in Japanese afterwards. Subhanallah. This is when things get heated up a little bit more and I could not help but cried. No idea why but I was so overwhelmed by it. Subhanallah it was amazing.

I think it can be established how hard it is to invite people of other religion beliefs to accept Islam, especially now with how Islam is being potrayed by the news and whatnot. Even without those negative element, it was hard even for Rasulullah saw to invite the Qureysh to the truth. He faced too many hardships in doing so, worst than one could endure Subhanallah. Asking people to change his lifestyle is not an easy task. It’s not. It’s really really hard. People are naturally afraid of things they don’t understand. It’s in each and every one of us. It took the brother 10 years to guide his friend to Islam and to witness the fruit of his patience and effort is just amazing. *tears*

Really, alhamdulillah, I feel so blessed to be granted this opportunity, this blessing to be able to attend the conference and learnt all that alhamdulillah. I was a bit hesitant actually cos I had a class going on Sunday morning and all those kenduri and open house invitation my mom asked to accompany, all those food. But alhamdulillah with Allah’s blessing and permission, I get to go. A sister I sat next to on the first day, came all the way from Sarawak for the conference. Let me repeat, all the way from Sarawak! Subhanallah may Allah reward her for her efforts and us for ours.

I think it’s safe to say that this won’t be the last of it inshaallah. May Allah bless me with will, time, and cost to go to more of these events. May Allah keep me steadfast in His path. May Allah keep what I’ve learnt last weekend inside my heart for as long as I could. May Allah forgive us all. Amin.

TV

I used to loveeeeeee watching TV like I can spend the whole day watching tv without doing anything else (well, except for eating). When people ask me what is my hobby I would say wasting time because I love watching TV so much I find lazing around watching TV could be a hobby.

Now, I rarely watch TV at all. I never really watch news before this anyway so..mehh. Like this weekend, I didn’t turn it on at all. Ok to be fair, I watched HIMYM season 3 on my laptop but I knew! I knew if I turn on that magical box, I would lost myself in it for hours without realizing it. I would watch the movie that I’ve watched few weeks ago just because they’re showing it.

Oh well those were the days but I regret nothing! Lol It’s just that I have so many things to do now compared to few years back. Back then, I had nothing to do. No business inventory to keyed in, no books to be read, no cats to play with, etc.

Or you can say that I look at ‘relaxing’ in a different angle now.